and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
