Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
