that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
