i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
handjob tips. give me some.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
