It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
