i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
