dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
