Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
