I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
