everyone is single if you try hard enough
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
