Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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