someone owes me an orgasm
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
God, I missed his penis.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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