What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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