And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
