i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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