You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
