i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
