Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
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But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
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