I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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