everyone is single if you try hard enough
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
