Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
