i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.