You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny