I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
