I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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