Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
