If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
