I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
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Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
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Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.