Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
