yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
