do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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