One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
