1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
babies were throwing up all over the place
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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