so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
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a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
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Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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