Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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