Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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