I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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