oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
