Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You ate ashes out of my bong
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
