Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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