And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
