Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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