I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
