I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
