the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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