Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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