this beer tastes like vomit already
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
