do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
