You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
