My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
