Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We left the knife in your bed.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
