yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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