8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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