who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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