naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
