You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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