We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
