I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
