captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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