He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
