So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
