Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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