i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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