he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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