he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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