I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
