hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
do nipples grow back?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
