I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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