i already hear my dad disowning me
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
