Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
