Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
