I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
