There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
