hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
