An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
