Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
