what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
