i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
pray to the hookup gods
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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