Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
