I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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