It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
