I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
