id be glad to
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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