Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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