people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
