id be glad to
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
