Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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