the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
