there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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